you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
