I will die if light touches me.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
