I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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