That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
