I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
