So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
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