My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
