im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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