You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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