He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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