Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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