We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
