I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
