if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize