Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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