a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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