Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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