At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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