Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
