I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
