i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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