i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
