Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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