Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
