def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize