You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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