She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
