Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
