So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
