I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
