so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
