i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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