I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
