Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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