Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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