I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
