i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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