so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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