dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
