ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize