Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
