I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We talked him into tasing himself.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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