Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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