I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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