i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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