I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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