is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
