so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
