Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
