i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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