i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
