you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize