i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
