if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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