don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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