I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
