I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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