OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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