I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
