Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
