I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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